Things to Remember as I Burn Out

I am in control.
I need to believe this with mind heart and soul,
I need to understand that this will take its toll,
I need to work and work and work towards this goal,
I need to find the diamond hidden in the coal,
I need to push and push and push and make this rock roll.
and maybe it will roll back.
and maybe I will crack
and maybe I'll let this world run me through,
let the weights and fates determine that I didnt do enough,
that I was simply too invested in this bluff,
that I wasn't really that tough,
that I shoulda called it quits when the going went past rough,
and hit that critical point of no return.
where I was too stubborn to learn,
where I was too determined to have any concern,
for the things that creep slowly up and start to burn,
and even as the flames began to lick up around my ears,
I was too proud to extinguish them with tears,
had no time for the warnings of seers ,
was too bold to recognize my fears,
too optimistic waiting for that second when the smoke clears.
When the world would open up before me,
where the arch of the universe bends and I can see,
over mountains and across the sea,
and all the futures there could be,
every accidental opportunity ,
that point between my idealism and rationality,
the imposition of my dreams over reality,
the cut off between desires and morality,
where everything could click with the lightest touch of intentionality.
but here is the problem.
the clearing of smoke is actually rather rare,
and maybe it's true; the cliche that life just isnt fair,
and maybe we will be engulfed in more than our share,
of internal infernos that burn until our bones are laid bare,
leaving us exposed for the world to stare,
at charred skeletons who couldnt stop to care,
about repercussions and conclusions,
who left behind flesh marred by contusions,
and plans that were lost in the midst countless confusions,
in the pursuit of that one perfect solution,
that would grant us a touch of absolution.
for all that we desire is there,
that were we to reach out and take it,
something might change.
but not us.
we who once made our way down to the river,
who waded in without a shiver,
and screamed until the world began to quiver,
until the birds flew off in fright and the trees began to wither.
We who would shout and make demands  of Heaven!
who would call for compensation of seventy times seven,
who look upon burgeoning clouds,
and are not satisfied until the floodgates are pulled back,
who take up the title of rain maker,
who seek to be chain breakers,
who could be called earth shakers,
whose voices will cut through smoke and make it clear.
And maybe I will burn out.
But it will not be in silence.
I am in control.
I walk out from underneath rocks which would roll,
tread on diamonds that were once coal
and even if all that is left is a charred skeleton,
I was told that every skull has its grin,
and Yorick and I are in on this joke,
I will cough but will not choke,
as I step through this smoke
and change the world.