Monday, March 24, 2014

Compulsive Masculinity

In the era of unrealistic standards for women,
With the plastic precision  of barbie dolls,
and the physically impossible bust to waist ratio of Laura Croft
where the only thing that mirrors the warped results of a first attempt at photoshop
is the very standard that editing is trying to match.
We cannot ignore the corner that women in our society are literally being painted into,
but we also cannot ignore the reciprocal for our young men.
For every scantly clad, computer generated model on the cover of a magazine
there is an action figure being placed into the hands of a little boy.
That action figure has hands that are forever closed fists
that action figure comes complete with kung-fu kicks
that action figure is telling that little boy the exact opposite
of everything I have ever been taught to tell kids
See my kids have mantras that they echo around the classroom
"Hands are not for hitting"
"You can't just take that from me"
"I need help please"
That action figure, and the movies that spawned him
they tell kids that asking for help is for the weak,
they tell kids that the quickest way to solve the problem
is a combination closed fists, bullets and explosives,
and you can be damn sure whatever you want is always for the taking

I want us to remember and weep
for every little boy whose dreams are stained red
by the bloody myth of redemptive violence
whose games are permeated by deus ex machina guns
whose bullets only penetrate the bad guys.
I want to tell these kids bad guys only exist in nightmares
and political campaign speeches
but then I would have to explain to them what politics are
and there are rules about using filthy language around kids.
I want us to remember and weep
because damnit, it is OK to cry sometimes
Despite every movie, every adult, every cultural representation of MAN
that tells us boys dont cry
that tells us boys are meant to fight
that tells us boys are meant to chase down women or objects
that tells us boys are meant not to know the difference between the two
that tells us boys are all biceps and bravado
and it makes me sad that at age four,
I can already see boys looking at their hands and forgetting what they're for
so I want to remind them:
Guys, hands are not for hitting even when it seems like your heart is just for hurting,
they're for holding and writing and making
and even though you'll never see a Michelangelo action figure
with realistic brush stroke action,
or an MLK video game where players hold signs while marching and write speeches
that change a country
you can know that your hands are not molded into plastic fists
I want to remind them:
Guys, they can't just take it from you, your innocence and believe me they're coming for it,
they want to take it from you, replace it with extra helpings of testosterone and misogyny
but you can't let them.
Hold onto your hope,
because even though no one wakes up thinking:
"today I will tell a boy that manning up means hiding behind guns and knuckles
and forgetting any kind of empathy"
that seems to be the lesson the world has to offer
I want to remind them:
Guys, it's OK to ask for help, if we are helped when we need it and help when we are needed this whole world thing works, and I dont know of any obstacle that isn't lighter with an extra pair of hands.

But I can't say these things to four year olds,
I can only say them to you.
We've been sold on this definition of MAN for far too long
it's about time we asked for our money back
it's about time we canceled our societal subscription to compulsive masculinity.















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