My Drug of Choice

They say I'm not the type,
and sure I've never hit the pipe,
but don't believe the hype,
cause when the moment's ripe:
I'm a master of addiction
and Lord Almighty, is my drug lethal,  it's called conviction.
I could probably found as a picture next to the word stubborn in the book of diction
cause my need to be correct while you're wrong has become so strong it is now a restriction.
It holds me back from the light.
Like two good friends will hold you back from a fight,
or like a flickering street lamp will hold back the night,
or like gravity and calories hold me back from flight,
or like a muzzle can fail to hold back a dog's bite,
or like a BB gun can hold back a little boy's sight,
or like my XXXXXXL jeans hold back an ass that aint tight,
That's how bad I need to be right.
So yeah, I've never smoked a cigarette,
but my drug is worse I'll bet
see with smokes you can get like e-cigs or nicorette
but I dont know a good substitute yet.
So I can always be found, curled on the ground swearing: "No regret."
I probably wouldn't care about my grade,
like that's not how I get paid,
but for me the red exes on my test dont fade,
and I'd rather get checkmarks than get laid,
so buy magnets for the fridge cause my shit get's displayed.
Really though, y'all don't know how bad I get,
like sometimes I swear there's no fact I could forget,
So someone needs to call the vet,
cause I'm frothing at the mouth and need to be down,
don't look at me with that upset frown
what goes out always comes back around
and with all my bullshit outward bound
you don't want to be here when by karma I am found.
So you could say that I'm an argument whore,
can't you imagine me retching on the floor,
scrabbling, scratching, scraping at your door,
screaming: "Please tell me once more."
"You're right."

Fears

You know when you lean too far back in a chair,
and you almost fall and it gives you a scare?
Well, that's how I feel when I look at you.
Like im falling out into the open air,
and it awfully funny that I dont even care
that often a smile is all that you'll share,
see to me that is a trade quite fair:
My last living breath for the chance that youll dare.
See there, are worlds we could open,
with naught but soft words spoken,
and it's quite clear that I am broken
but I am not past the point of hoping
I think we're just afraid of choking
and only part of you hopes were joking
cause we are that close to blowing
and you're pretty brave with those matches you've been throwing
cause there is simply no way of knowing
whether our fire will be gently glowing
or one that is violently burning
just like you cant finish a book without page turning
or a class without some learning
or a romance without some yearning
because isn't that all that love is?
A simple state of need?
Like a stomach's got to feed,
like a heart has got to bleed,
like eyes have got to read,
like the tide must recede
like animals have got to breed--
Wait. Crap. That isn't what I mean
I swore I could keep this clean,
So let's swing it back to you and what I've seen
Like giggles and grimaces with smiles slipped between
or eyes that wander and day dream
or a soul so big you're bursting at the seams
but such vague things are all that a can glean
because if I were to find out more
 I'd have to get closer, and I have done that before
the experience struck and cut straight to my core
so here I stand, knuckles inches from your door
and I cannot complete the action.
See among your friends are certain factions
that would reap such extreme satisfaction
from your negative reaction.
So I have a worry, I see a complication,
in your possible lack of reciprocation
because you have your ways of intimidation
that make me into a fool, an aberration
 but I cannot use words like fear or fragility
for they would impune my masculinity
and although that is a part of me
it does not define all that could be
and it is a simple reality
I am afraid but I hide it in jokes and poetry
I slip it into a slew of metaphor, smart-ass and simile
but I better stop hold my words right there
lest I fall right out of my chair.



Poet's Note: I wrote the first three lines of this poem over a year ago, the rest came to me recently.